


The telephone repairman on the switchboard of your life

by drcalvin



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Drabble, Gen, Phone Calls & Telephones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 23:10:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19386385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drcalvin/pseuds/drcalvin
Summary: Aziraphale tries to call The Management with a complaint.





	The telephone repairman on the switchboard of your life

"Welcome. You have reached. Heaven. This is the. Celestial Support Line."

"Hello, yes, I have -"

"Please Hold. We are blessed to accept your call. Please input your. Celestial Certification. For smoother service."

"My cele - what?"

"Celestial Certification unclear. If you are. Praying, please disconnect and use our Celestial Circle Connection instead. If you are calling from. Downbelow. Please press # to be transfered to Fire, Brimstone and Diplomatic Relations. If..."

"I am not calling from downstairs! What are you insinuating?"

"...to repeat this message, press 'Halo'."

"Would you just let me speak to a real sentience, angel or person!"

"Please hold."

"Thank you. I most certainly shall."

/click/

"Ya, who's this?"

"Uhm... Aziraphale, Angel of the Eastern Gate. Who am I speaking to?"

"Archangel Hanael, Guardian of the Support Desk."

"Well, I am releived to finally reach someone. I have a complaint to make regarding the terrible discrimination of classic tel -"

"Hold on! Aren't you the Principality of London?"

"Yes. In dire nead of some support."

"Right, but you belong to Services/Acquisitions. That's Gabriel's department."

"But he doesn't have a phone."

"Of course he.... doesn't. No. Busy angel, Gabriel."

"Anyway, he told me to call the support line for matters like these. It's not personal, you see, I need backup against the wiles of Hell."

"Ohhh, sounds nasty. Look, I'll put you back on the switchboard, just press 888 and you'll get transfered to Infernal Wiles & Thwartings Thereof."

"But that is the problem I was calling about! I don't have a -"

♪ _The phone line to the saviour's always free of interference_  
_He's in at any hour, day or night_  
_And when you call J-E-S-U-S you always call toll-free_  
_He's the telephone repairman on the switchboard of my life ♪_

**Author's Note:**

> The part between the notes are not mine, but come from the original novel. One of the songs from the awful tele-evangelist's show!


End file.
